| Any time we try to go against something, especially as deeply rooted as homosexuality and sexual addiction, our body and the demonic world do not want us to deny ourselves and will give us "kick back". Ephesians 6:10-18, verse 12, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” When we try to stop deeply rooted patterns, addictions, we cannot do it alone and we cannot do it without major changes, and we will experience strong kick back. There are also relational kick backs to expect, which is even more of a reason to need help. It is a very good realization that there needs to be a period of coming to Christ for healing after walking away from homosexuality. Many unfortunately have to find out after getting married that marriage is not going to heal you. Trying to date (the opposite sex), and certainly marriage, too soon can lead to a great deal of frustration and disappointment on both sides. I found the single life very difficult, but necessary in the early stages of recovery and healing. I believe that two to five years as a good target time for singleness towards a decision either way. First, we must understand, just as an alcoholic or former drug user understands, that we must change our friends and our life patterns. We can no longer have fellowship with homosexuals and get free from homosexuality. We cannot go where we used to go. We cannot watch what we used to watch. We cannot even wear what we used to wear. We cannot keep doing the same things and expect to see change. We must be patient with ourselves and others. We must have understanding of why we do things and ask for help. But don’t lose heart, as God has provided nourishment for our needs. There is a reason we are drawn to same-sex intimacy and the community in the gay lifestyle. We need it! What? We need intimacy and community. These are legitimate needs. However, when we pervert them with sexual intimacy, outside of God’s provision of one man and one woman in marriage, we pervert the relationships and the legitimacy of our needs being met. Unconditional love and fellowship becomes conditional. We go to someone trying to take, rather than give and they come to take rather than give. We don’t see it that way, however scripture tells us in John 4:19, “We love, because Christ first loved us.” To truly understand love, we must have Christ in us and first in our lives. We must learn to deny ourselves and have Him be our filling. Then, after restoration through Him, we give out of our abundance. They receive the “splash over” of our being completely filled in Him. It is during this time that we learn the importance of healthy same-sex relationships and community within the church. God means for us to be in community with one another, and in strong same-gender relationships. He tells us to “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together” (Heb 10:23-25). In Ecclesiastes 4:8-12 it encourages us to be in close relationship with one another. Verse 10: “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” In James 5:13-16, verse 16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” He means us to be vulnerable in our relationships. As we grow as men and women, we will discover ourselves as we have never known us. We begin to like ourselves. We grow, we mature. We will have set backs, we will get discouraged, but this is normal. As we grow, and follow Him, He will reveal more to us. Does He mean us to marry or be single? If you have a desire to be married, chances are this is His desire to. If you have a peace about being single and celibate, chances are He has gifted you to do this to serve others in His Kingdom. Regardless, He intends us to be in community within His church, and in close healthy same-gender relationships. Pray that He reveals these persons to you and the courage to speak with them. Understand that not all relationships are for the long term, and people will reject you. This actually helps mature us. And they are not rejecting you, they are just not ready. God will use your encounter with this person in their life and yours. Have multiple relationships; just one is not enough and leads to emotional dependency and frustration. Philippians 1:6, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
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