| The male’s role in a young boy’s life cannot be underestimated. Just important is the communication from the mother towards the son about other men, his father, and his own masculine strivings. Mom being overly emotionally enmeshed with her son, by telling him inappropriate details for his young developing mind and details that should be shared with other adults to lean on, are important obstacles. Affirming your son in his masculinity is very important. Saying statements of affirmation like—“I am so proud of the young man you are becoming” is very important. Gently pushing your son towards more masculine strivings is very important. I saw my son as one whom I believed would be picked on a couple of years ago. I looked into karate, as I had heard some very positive things. He has been doing this for some time. This involvement with these boys and the male coaches has been extremely positive for him. While he is still vulnerable, they work with him as do I on a regular basis. There are a great many single mothers who have their sons in the program for this very reason.
Men are doers; they develop their masculinity by doing masculine endeavors. Sports, fighting/ learning to fight, adventures in the woods/mud/etc., is very important. Looking for opportunities like these, that area programs and churches are doing, is going to be vital in him growing as a young man. I would encourage you to check into your church, or area churches, for what is going on for his age. I would also encourage you to call upon area karate schools and see what they offer for children your son’s age. The karate gym my son attends has an amazing program for kids, and they are constantly building them up in their character. I was so impressed that I too joined. I usually recommend this to all of my young male clients. It’s not cheap, but well worth the investment. If your son knows how to defend himself, then he most likely won’t ever have to. Bully’s are drawn out and react to fear, somewhat like dogs react to fear. If your son knows how to defend himself, through thorough instruction and practice (becoming a black-belt, etc.), then he will have no fear of confrontation. A lack of fear will repel bullies—they are looking for easy targets. Scripture says that the meek will inherit the earth. It says that he will make the weak strong. When referring to turning your cheek, I strongly believe that a meek person has the capacity to do this and not be crushed or harmed. To tell a weak person to turn the check, in my opinion, borderlines on cruelty. Helping a young man learn to defend himself and defend himself if necessary, is helping him to develop meekness from weakness. These efforts, along with encouragement, will help him feel more “at-one” with his own gender. Feeling “different-from” one’s own gender is the beginnings of gender confusion or homosexual development. One must feel the “same as” other boys, for “opposites” to “attract” during puberty. So, with this, opposite sex involvements are not helpful until he can feel like “one of” the guys. This is the main issue in the male development cycle mentioned on my DVDs. Your question was about male strivings and masculine involvement, so I have not gone into great lengths about the importance of bible study and church attendance. Him developing as a man of God is important, however it is your job to as best you can positively influence him in that direction. Obviously though, you cannot make that decision for him. I believe that if you will follow these instructions, that your son will develop into a strong young man. While he is in this vulnerable state, make sure to watch him very closely as he could fall prey to not just bullies but child predators. This is another very good reason for learning strong self defense. My son is under a personal commitment to black-belt. I would encourage you to look into something similar, as well as other avenues of masculine efforts.
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