How can I help a friend get beyond his homosexual past? He wants help, but I don't know which way to steer him, other than hold him accountable. How do we get him beyond his past?
You guys are doing great in being his friend. He is most likely very lonely. You guys should be giving him strong hugs when you see him each time. He has a DEEP hunger for healthy same-sex intimacy. Most men do not know how to show this themselves, but God called us to show intimacy as men. Planning times when you guys can get together once a week to do something, even if it is just over a meal to talk. But doing something fun from time to time and not always having to talk about the deep stuff. In other words--just like another guy that is very close to you. As far as the same-sex attraction thing, I would not worry about. Some men it diminishes through relationship development, as I am speaking of and you are doing, and some battle it their whole life. Dating women--looking for a wife--is very helpful if he desires this. He has to take his focus off of being obsessed with his same-sex attractions and move on. He needs same sex intimacy. We cannot make guys who are very attractive less attractive. The distinction is the sexual arousal. Turning this has to do with personal holiness and developing a life of purity. If you are working on your healthy intimacy with key men in your life and working on daily purity then same-sex sexual attractions will not be a factor. Noticing guys are attractive will be just like appreciating a painting or a landscape--they are very attractive/must be nice to look like that (just like any other guy but admittedly noticing more readily) and move on. To help you and others better understand these, there are a few articles on my site--Father and Gender Security, Healthy Relationship Development, and The Need for Transparency.
I would really have to know better what is going on like whether he is practicing masturbation or not, which would keep those thoughts alive. In accountability partnerships there should be an extraordinary level of trust and transparency that changes the men that are involved. My next month's article is going to be about this—Accountability, Freedom within Boundaries. If you guys are not on our e-newsletter list, I would encourage you to do so. Have him log on a prayer request for himself on our site. There is a great site for personal holiness called http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ - The Way of Purity online course. They have one for homosexuality called Door of Hope. DOH is if you are acting out homosexually or viewing gay porn. If not, then WOP is what I would recommend.
If you have a friend in our area of reach, encourage them to contact Truth Ministry. You can also volunteer to go to the first meeting with them for support. Pray for them and be there friend. God will reward you and rescue your friend. He will mess up every now and then, but doesn’t everyone.
